Maybe I’m feeling a little humbug today, but I’ve decided that I’m sick of the gigantic piles of white tulle and constricting fabric we call bridal dresses.

I’m tired of the fact that women, who really don’t have any money, are putting themselves into serious debt for one of these dresses that they’re going to wear once.

I’m sick of women thinking they have look like perfect princesses in their dresses. Besides, I thought princesses were mostly pink, not white. That’s what Disney taught me.

I’m sick of bridal dresses that are full of “beading”. You already look like a giant blob of white, why do you have to sparkle too?

I’m sick of men getting teary eyed at their “virginal” brides coming down the aisle. Please. You want nothing more to take off that stupid dress. Quit pretending.

I’m tired of bratty brides making everyone around them come to their beck and call when it comes to their weddings. And guess what, it all starts with that stupid wedding dress.

I’m tired of girls cramming themselves into wedding dresses that they don’t fit.

I’m tired of this lame strapless dress trend that doesn’t really look good on anyone. Oh, and that reminds me.

I’m tired of girls spending $5,000 dollars on a dress that looks like they could have bought it at the dress barn for $50.00. If you’re going to spend that much money, that dress better sprout an engine and four wheels and take you out to a steak dinner afterwards. At least. Sheesh.

I’m tired of women who get married more than once feeling like they have to wear a wedding dress that isn’t pure white. First of all, we know that 99% of those first time brides aren’t virgins, and two, who cares?! Wear what you want!

I’m annoyed with women who think that they have to special order their dress from some dress maker because nothing they’ve found in their local stores just won’t do, only to return it when they get it because it wasn’t what they actually wanted.

I’m sick of brides that buy a wedding dress, then lose fifty pounds for their wedding (who are you kidding anyway, you’re just going to gain it back, seriously) and make a whole team of seamstresses hem in your dress at the very last second.

I’m tired of brides blaming everything else for their defunct weddings. It couldn’t possibly have anything to do with the fact that you’ve spent entirely too much money on something incredibly frivolous anyway, and you put all of the descisions in the hands of strangers when it all comes right down to it . That was your fault. And yes, your dress goes with that.
I’m sick and tired of being grouchy. Thanks everyone!